What is Surrender 2012?

Surrender 2012 is a time of corporate prayer and fasting with believers from across the country. It is a time for you to experience God in a new way, transition smoothly to your next season, and to rid yourself of every hindrance that keeps you from receiving God’s best.

Our time together will start January 2 and continue to February 10. Here are a few simple steps to prepare:

1. Purchase The 40-Day Surrender Fast (Celeste C. Owens, PhD):
   1. Official Surrender Fast Website
   2. Facebook (“Like” us and receive 20% off until December 21)
   3. Barnes and Noble and Amazon online
   4. First Baptist Church of Glenarden bookstore
   5. Ebook
2. Complete the Pre-Fast Preparation chapters prior to January 2.

We will begin reading on January 2 with Day 1 – Expect the Unexpected.

And that’s just the beginning. God is going to show up in a powerful way. Others that have completed this fast have been tremendously blessed and God wants to do the same for you!

Even if you have never completed a fast you can do this one. To help you along I have implemented several resources:

1. The Surrender 2012 Blog. Sign up to this blog to receive a new post of encouragement every Monday.
2. Daily Prayer. Dial in Monday – Thursday for prayer from 7:00a.m. – 7:15a.m. You can submit your prayer request to this blog, by email, or on Facebook (inbox me if you want to send a private message). The number is 712-775-7200, access code: 438001.
3. Weekly conference call. Fridays from 12:00p.m. – 12:30p.m. Be encouraged through prayer and powerful testimonies of those who have completed or are completing the Surrender Fast. The number is 712-775-7200, access code: 438001.
4. Facebook and Twitter updates. You are welcome to use these social media outlets to update us on your progress or encourage others through you testimony.

You won’t want to miss this experience! Your willingness to surrender it all to God will pay off in a major way.

Please invite others to participate. As you know, there is no better way to start your new year then through prayer and fasting. If you make this sacrifice, I can guarantee you that your life will never be the same!

Change is in the air,
Dr. Celeste

Surrender 2012

Are you as excited as I am about Surrender 2012?! This will be a tremendous time of blessings for all that decide to be part of this great event.

If you are planning to participate, please do the following:

1. Visit the official Surrender Fast website or Facebook to sign up.

2. Purchase the book.

3. Start on January 2, 2012.

It's that simple.

Also, I know that I have many international readers of this blog. Welcome and please join us on Jan. 2. Better yet, reply to this message and let us know where you reside.

Freedom is on the way; get ready to live your best life!

Wishing you God's good success in every area of your life,

Dr. Celeste



Just Do It

You probably think Nike coined “Just Do It,” but technically it was Mary, the mother of Jesus who first spoke those famous words at the marriage feast in Cana of Galilee. 

The wedding was a spectacular event with many invited guest. No doubt, everyone was having a great time and all was going as planned until the wine ran out. What a disaster and an embarrassment for the host. What were they to do? Mary had their answer, “Just do it.”

To quote her exact words she told the servants, “Whatever He says to you, do it” (John 2:5). By “He” she was referring to her son, Jesus. In turn, Jesus instructed the servants to fill six pots with water. That may have seemed an odd request, but they moved into action and just did it. And what happened next was nothing short of a miracle—Jesus’ first in fact—the water was turned into wine!

We, today, are to be like those servants. When God ask us to do something, we should move into action immediately without a whole lot of discussion and doubt.

Some of you are delaying your miracles because you have decided to disobey His command, but if you would just step out and do it, God would move on your behalf.

I know you can’t see how His plan is going to work out, but faith isn’t about seeing, but believing. So surrender your plan, (which, by the way, isn’t working anyway) and just do what He’s calling you to do. Go ahead and start that business, go back to school, join a church, write a blog, reconcile with your spouse…whatever it is, “just do it” and watch Him work it out for your good.

I am wishing your good success in every area of your life,
Dr. Celeste

Now available The 40-Day Surrender Fast. Pick up your copy at www.surrenderfast.com.

Know Your Brand

I have a good sense of what I was put on this earth to do however, there are times I forget. Take last night for example.  I was perusing the web and happened upon a site on branding. The site promoted the typical “you need to build a brand that makes you a lot of money or you are a failure” type of message.  Accordingly, the “expert” showcased her success at building her own brand by flaunting pictures with celebrities, and testimonials from CEOs of Fortune 500 companies.

The more I read, the more I felt as if I was doing it all wrong. Sadly, it took about 30 minutes before I realized what was happening.  I was allowing my mind to be bombarded with a message that wasn’t true for me. Building my brand has nothing to do with riches and stardom.

Like I said earlier, I know why I was put here. I am here to help others develop a mind to succeed and complete their earthly assignment. I have a particular interest in doing this with underserved populations. Even now my husband and I are in the process of drafting a plan to implement a non-profit that will teach the homeless, prisoners, addicts, and the severely abused how to think in a way that will bring them success (whatever success will look like for them).

This calling may be a lot of things, but glamorous it is not. Will it bring me in contact with celebrities? Probably not. Will I be wined and dined by Fortune 500 companies? Unlikely.  But what I will be is satisfied.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to get to the end of my life and look back with regret because I chased opportunities that were not mine to have. I plan to end my life knowing that I did everything that God told me to do. I pray that that will also be your testimony.

In one respect the experts are right. You need to know your brand and build it. But let me also add, let your heart build that brand and not your greed.

If you also have a tough calling, please comment and tell us what you are doing (or plan to do) and how you manage to stay focused. From your comments we will randomly select two of you to receive a free autographed copy of The 40-Day Surrender Fast.

I am wishing you good success in every area of your life,
Dr. Celeste

Now available The 40-Day Surrender Fast. Purchase your copy at www.surrenderfast.com or Amazon and Barnes and Noble.

The 40-Day Surrender Fast

Hello. I am pleased to announce that the 40-Day Surrender Fast is now available! If you are in a season of transition or in need of a spiritual transformation this is the book for you. The Surrender Fast will help you to re-group and re-focus so that you are able to do just what you were created to do. Please visit www.surrenderfast.com for more details. 

Healthy Lifestyle Challenge

I am issuing a challenge! In the quest for a healthier me, I decided in March to eliminate sweets/desserts from my diet. I've lost weight and feel great. Perhaps you would like to join me. I am going to the end of the year but maybe you will do it for a day, week, or month. Let me know by commenting below.

In this video I discuss why I made the choice to eliminate refined sugars. I also discuss the #1 reason some people fail at the use of moderation in their diet. Lastly, I tell you how I lost over 20 pounds.

Thanks for watching and I am wishing you good success in every area of your life!

Dr. Celeste

Pardon Me but He’s Mr. Wrong

QUESTION

How can you help a friend reconsider who she’s about to marry without coming across as hating?

I have a friend who is a really good person and her fiancé seems like a bad match. I know I’m on the outside looking in but is there a way to help her snap out of the fantasy and come into the reality that her husband to be is not a good fit?

They’re not equally yoked (she’s a Christian, he’s Muslim), he displays controlling behavior like making her call exes on speaker phone so he can tell them to leave her alone, and got sloppy drunk at a dinner where he met her mother for the first time. I learned that they met in February and plan to marry and get pregnant before he leaves for a year long deployment to Afghanistan in December.

I’m of the philosophy that if she likes it, I love it, but do I have a responsibility as a friend to warn her or encourage her to weigh her decision more carefully? It just seems neglectful to “mind my own business and stay out of it.”

ANSWER

When we truly love someone we have an obligation to intercede when we see them making a wrong decision. Based on your description, your friend’s relationship is littered with red flags.

One, his controlling behavior is in line with one who has the potential to display intimate partner violence. Men who are most prone to this type of abuse typically have low self-esteem and attempt to cover this emotional defect through control, and over consumption of alcohol.

Another red flag is their lack of religious synchronicity: she’s a Christian and he’s a Muslim. The Word tells us, “Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?” (2 Corinthians 5:14).

So the question is not if you should intercede but how. Here are a few suggestions.

1.       Refrain from giving advice. A supervisor once told me that “unsolicited advice is seen as criticism.” For that reason people often feel criticized and/or judged by our untimely advice and in turn unable to receive the message, no matter how right that message might be.  Therefore, choose your words carefully and speak in love.

2.       Be Aware of Timing. Pray for her and for the role God will have you play in this season of her life. Seek God’s direction and ask Him if and/or when to say something to her. His timing is perfect and if you wait on Him, He will allow you to speak a word to her at the right time, which will benefit her greatly.
 

3.       Ask open ended questions. This line of questioning will help her verbalize her expectations for this relationship. Sometimes women “romanticize” a relationship, but asking her questions like, “Where do you see this relationship going? What are your shared goals? What do you respect about your mate?” will hopefully encourage her to operate in reality.

Remember, “A friend loves at all times, and is born, as is a brother, for adversity (Proverbs 17: 17). Therefore, no matter what your friend decides, be there for her and love her unconditionally (just as God and so many others have done for you and me).

I am wishing you good success in every area of your life,
Dr. Celeste

I Want to Cheat! Cry for Help or Brazen Arrogance?

QUESTION

How do you deal with a spouse who tells you they would like to have extramarital affairs? Both spouses love each other and do not want a divorce, but what is the solution, if any?

ANSWER

Hum… very interesting question. I don’t know whether to tell you to run or applaud your spouse for his/her honesty.

But seriously, my first thought was to suggest that this “confession” was a cry for help, but when I presented this scenario to my husband his take was all together different. So here are our views.

1.       The Cry for Help Scenario (Dr. Celeste): When two are in relationship they come to interact in a way that is specific to them; a dance of sorts. When this dance is dysfunctional, it can be devastating to the psyche and emotional health of the couple. Sometimes in an effort to shake things up one spouse will do or say something drastic (e.g., I would like to have an extramarital affair; I am going to commit suicide if you leave me, etc.). These extreme moments only offer brief relief from the status quo because when the drama has passed, without the proper intervention the dance picks back up right where it left off.

In terms of gender, women are typically more prone to the cry for help style of communicating while men generally say what they mean. Of course this is not true across the board just a generalization used to provide a frame of reference.

What’s most important is that you begin to understand your relationship and how the two of you communicate, either verbally or non-verbally. Look out for patterns and make a conscious effort to respond differently. It is a fact that when one person changes it forces the other person to change as well.

2.       The “We Teach People How to Treat Us” Scenario (Andel Owens): From the very start of a relationship we teach people how to treat us. Through both word and deed, we demonstrate to others how much or how little we value ourselves. If we allow a people to mistreat or take advantage of us at the beginning of a relationship, they will typically continue that behavior on into the relationship. What’s even worst, the maltreatment often increases over time. For that reason, Andel suggests that the foundation for mistreatment in this marriage started way before the confession.

So here are some questions to ponder. Is this confession just brazen arrogance? Can one actually believe that he/she can cheat and remain married like nothing ever happened? In most cases no, but in a marriage where one person has failed to put up proper boundaries this type of behavior can flourish.  

However, there is hope. We would suggest that you pray and ask the Spirit to guide you. Proverbs 3:6 reads, “In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.” God knows what you need to do, so ask. Also, I prayer that I often say is, “God show me me.” It’s a powerful prayer that has helped me to view my problems from a different vantage point. I hope it does the same for you.

Lastly, seek outside help from a counselor, close friend, or minister. Isolation is not your friend with such challenges you are experiencing, so seek help. Remember, your marriage can thrive and do a new dance with the proper guidance.

Perhaps you have an alternative viewpoint or would simply like to add to the discussion. Please feel free to comment below.

We are wishing you good success on your journey,
Dr. Celeste and my favorite guy in the whole wide world Andel J

My Spouses's Affair Led to a Child

QUESTION: 

My husband has fathered a child outside of marriage. How do I deal with this?

ANSWER: 

Healing from the effects of infidelity is challenging enough but when that affair produced a child the process becomes even more complicated. Nonetheless, healing is possible and your marriage can thrive with time and the right guidance. Here are a few suggestions to help on your journey:

1.       Pray. Don’t underestimate the power of prayer. Nothing has helped me more, particularly in times of stress, then prayer. The Bible tells us that God is a present help in our time of need. Pray as often as you can and also consider getting a prayer partner who can pray with you in this area.

2.       Be honest about your feelings. Don’t pretend that everything is okay if it is not. Bitterness, anger and unforgiveness can quickly settle in the heart of one that pretends nothing is wrong. Therefore, it will be especially important to be talk with your husband about your feelings and take the time to understand his. 
 

3.       Let the past be the past. The opposite of #2 is bringing up your husband’s affair every time you’re angry with him (which in this case may be often). That is equally as unhealthy. How would you feel if God reminded you of your mistakes every time you prayed? Not so good I’m sure, so don’t do it to your husband. Ask God to help you forgive so that you are able to remember the affair without the pain.

4.       Seek outside help. Regular meetings with your Pastor, a marital therapist, and/or individual therapy are all venues designed to help you sort out your feelings of anger, disappointment, and sadness. You might also seek out a support group or read books related to this issue.  Marriage Under Cover by Bob and Audrey Meisner would be a great resource. Their story is similar to yours except Audrey became pregnant after an affair.

5.       Maintain a healthy relationship with the child. Others who have been in your shoes sometimes find it challenging to love the child of an affair. If that is true for you, pray that God helps you to see him/her as a blessing.  The bible tells us that children are an inheritance from the Lord and that He has great plans for every person created, including your stepchild. My hope is that you and your husband will be a positive influence on his/her physical, emotional, and spiritual development.

6.       Work to build the trust. This will take time and much sacrifice but every small sacrifice will matter. One way to help this process along might be that your husband limits his contact with the mother of his child. In my opinion, all interactions should be child-focused. Maintaining a “friendship” with this woman would be unnecessary and a hindrance the trust-building process.  

All the best to you and I wish you good success in every area of your life,
Dr. Celeste

Cheating Spouse?

Question: 

I think my husband is cheating or thinking of cheating. How do I approach him?

Answer: 

If you are just “thinking” that he is cheating, I recommend that you delay approaching him until you have some proof.  The negative ramifications associated with accusing him of something he may not be guilty of are great. Specifically, you run the risk of hurting him deeply with your mistrust.  As a consequence, the process of re-building the trust could prove not worth the momentary peace of mind you get from confronting him.

Therefore, I would suggest you first take a moment to explore the possible “whys” behind your suspicions:

1.       Female Intuition. There is something to be said for female intuition: that sixth sense that things aren’t quite right. However, in this case—with so much at stake—proof, to back up your accusations, would be ideal. Proverbs 10:19 tells us, “The wise measure their words” and in Proverbs 3:6 we are thus instructed, “In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.” In other words, less talk and more prayer is the way to success in this area. Therefore, God for guidance; He will come through.
       I know a woman who suspected her husband of cheating. She prayed and a few days later she found a condom floating in her toilet. She pondered that occurrence for a few days and was given further proof of her husband’s indiscretions when she arrived home early from work and found him in the house with another woman. God answered her prayer and will do the same for you if you ask.

2.       Insecurity.  If your suspicions of your husband are in any way driven by insecurity, you need to acknowledge that and make strides to improve your sense of self-worth. When a person is insecure, he/she needs constant reassurance that they are loved and this behavior puts a strain on the relationship and your ability to grow as a couple. Be advised that your husband can’t handle nor fix your insecurities, only God can do this. A prayer that I often pray is “God show me me.” It works. When He shows me myself, I believe Him and work towards improving. 

3.       Fear. Closely tied to insecurity is fear. Fear is a powerful de-motivator and will cause us to act inappropriately. The scripture reminds us, “For God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind” (2 Timothy 1:7). Therefore, gather all of your fears and heap them before the Lord in prayer. He will give you peace so that you can make a wise and godly decision for your marriage.

Well that’s my two cents. Please let me know your thoughts by commenting below.

I am wishing you good success in every area of your life,
Dr. Celeste

My Husband Has Left Me

Question:

 My husband decided to leave me for someone else. What do I do now?

Answer:

I’m sorry to hear that your husband has left you. Although I don’t know what lead up to his leaving, I do know that God doesn’t want you wallowing in pity or putting your life on hold. He desires that you to succeed at life even under these circumstances. His word says, “Beloved, I wish above all things that you may prosper and be in health, even as your soul prospers” (3 John 1:2, AKJV).

Therefore, be encouraged. Even in the midst of this problem He still wants you to prosper mind, body, and spirit. Here are a few things that you can do now:

1.       Pray to God for His direction. God knows the plans He has for you, so ask for His direction. He may have you dust off some old dreams and work towards making them a reality, or go to counseling to be in good mental shape to experience the next opportunities He has for you, or perhaps He will have you wait patiently on the return of your husband. I don’t know…I’m not God, but whatever He tells you to do, do it. He will greatly reward your obedience (see Joshua 1:8; Deuteronomy 28).

2.       Pray for your husband and his new girlfriend. Say what?! Yes, pray. The bible says that we are to pray for those who despitefully use us. I find that when I pray for someone who has wronged me it helps me to release the bitterness I feel toward them and be in a better position to love and grow.

3.       Don’t cling to the past. In other words, let go of what was. The past is just that, the past. Therefore, resist re-hashing past conversations or feeling guilty about things said or not said. You can certainly learn from your mistakes but you can’t change them. So learn what is to be learned and move on.

4.       Use your time productively. Don’t waste time ruminating on what your husband is doing. If you find it difficult to obtain peace of mind pray, talk with a trusted friend, and/or speak with a counselor. These activities will help you process any negative feelings you might be experiencing as a result of your husband’s rejection.

5.       Don’t make any rash decisions. Sit with God and listen for His response to your prayers. There is no rush. Take this time to heal and grow in your relationship with God.

Lastly, you might also meditate on passages of scripture in Psalm (e.g., Psalm 46:1 (KJV) “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble “).  No matter what, don’t give up on God, or yourself. I am praying your strength and wishing you good success in every area of your life.

Dr. Celeste

I Regret My Affair

QUESTION

 I cheated on my husband and feel so bad. I have not told him. What now?

ANSWER

I am sorry to hear of your dilemma. The road ahead of you won’t be easy, but with God all things are possible.

First and foremost, if you haven’t already, repent. Whenever we sin, we ultimately sin against God. After his affair with Bathsheba, David prayed, “Against you and you alone have I sinned and done this evil in Your sight” (Psalm 51:4a). Therefore, getting your relationship right with God is imperative.

After you have done that, walk in the freedom that forgiveness brings.  People will condemn but God won’t; He says that there is no condemnation in Him. Therefore, now what you have repented you don’t need to “feel so bad” anymore. He loves you no matter what. In fact, He tells us in Proverbs 18:24, that He’s a friend that sticks closer than a brother and in another scripture He says that will never leave or forsake you. Jesus pardoned the sinful woman who anointed his feet with the costly perfume from her alabaster box by simply saying, “Your sins have been forgiven” (Luke 7:48). The same is true for you so again, walk in the freedom that forgiveness brings.

Now you need to address the matter of cheating. The longer you avoid this issue the tougher it will be to address. So the best thing to do is to pray and approach your husband with the news. Believe it or not, it may not come as a surprise to him. From my experience of working with couples, the offended partner has often “sensed” that something was wrong, but without proof they could only guess and wonder. Although the truth hurts, many have reported feeling relieved to finally have some answers.

Here are a few other important factors to consider:

1.       Tell him as soon as God opens the door for you to have this conversation. Don’t delay; it would be much more devastating for him to find out about the affair from some other source.

2.       You have no control over how your husband reacts to this news. Hopefully the two of you can work things out and have a stronger marriage but there is no guarantee of the outcome. However, no matter what, telling him is the right thing to do and don’t live in regret if things don’t go the way you planned or expected.

3.       Consider including a neutral third party like a pastor or Christian counselor who can help the two of you sort out your feelings and explore what factors may have contributed to the affair.

Lastly, keep the faith. God specializes in the impossible. If you follow His plan in this season in your life, He will work it out for your good and cause you to have good success. Be encouraged and please let me know how things turn out for you.

Wishing you God’s good success in every area of your life,
Dr. Celeste

Wrong Again

I can't tell you how many times I have misjudged a person or situation; how many times my eyes and ears have convinced me of one thing only for it to be something else. 
 
This morning I was led to pray that God would open my "spiritual" eyes and ears (from Isaiah 11:1-4). No sooner had a prayed this prayer I was put to the test. As I was sitting in my parent's family room I noticed the smell of smoke. As no one in my family smokes, the logical explanation was my teenage nephew who had stayed the night. I could see him sneaking into the family room in the middle of the night to have a quick "secret" smoke. No sooner that I had this absurd thought the Spirit reminded me that the smoke smell was coming from me!

Yesterday I was visiting an establishment which smelled heavily of smoke. The smell was so overwhelming that after about 15 minutes I had to leave to prevent myself from choking. As a consequence my hair and skin smelled of smoke but I hadn't noticed until this morning. All I know is that I thank God he opened my spiritual eyes before I made a complete fool of myself and hurt someone else in my haste to judge.

Are you in a habit of judging before you have all the facts? If yes, I encourage you to ask God to open your spiritual eyes. Timothy wrote, "Consider what I say, and may the Lord give you understanding in all things" (2 Timothy 2:7).

Do not make decisions based on what you see and hear in the natural but ask God to give you wisdom and discernment so that you can see people and situations for what they REALLY are. When you start to see as He does His favor and peace will rest upon you; people will be drawn to you and you will prosper in every area of your life.

I would love to answer your questions. Please forward them to info@drcelesteowens.com or inbox me on Facebook. Also, feel free to comment on this post below.

Wishing you God’s good success in every area of your life!
Dr. Celeste

Quick Update to Keeping the Faith

This is a quick update to yesterday's post, Keeping the Faith. Thank you for your text, emails, and prayers. The doctor phoned today with great news; the cells they were concerned about are benign. All I can say is THANK GOD! He does all things well.

Whatever you are believing God for don't give up. If it is in His will it's a done deal. I am a witness!

Wishing you good success in every area of your life,
Dr. Celeste

Recommended Reading: Sun Stand Still by Steven Furtick

Keeping the Faith

If you faint in the day of adversity, your strength is small.
(Proverbs 24:10)

What good is a faith that is untested? Anyone can say they have faith but the true measure of faith is what one does when faced with a challenge.

In September of 2007, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I underwent chemotherapy, radiation, and surgery and by God’s grace I am alive and well.   

Fast forward 3 years. On September 20, 2010, while presenting to the Cancer Support Ministry of the First Baptist Church of Glenarden I made a bold declaration: I will never be stricken with cancer again in Jesus’ name.

At the time of that statement, I was in the throes of a fast I was developing which is now known as the 40-Day Surrender Fast. (Click to read Day 8 - Establish Your Faith: http://surrenderfast.blogspot.com/2010/09/day-8-establish-your-faith.html.)

Since that time many others have partaken in the fast with amazing results. Just recently another group started. On Monday, May 16, 2011 they were reading—of all the post—Establish Your Faith. I only knew this because one of the participants emailed me with a comment and I posted back.

Well as fate would have it, I was scheduled for a mammogram on the very day they were reading Establish Your Faith. At the conclusion of the exam the doctor told me that some calcification had been indentified which would need to be biopsied. I had the biopsy yesterday and the results of that test are to come in tomorrow.

So I repeat, what good is a faith that is untested? We don’t know what we believe until you are called to prove it. Well I believe I heard God correctly on September 20, 2010 and I refuse to think otherwise.

In fact, on the morning of the mammogram God had me to read Isaiah 55:11

So is my word that goes out from my mouth:
   It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
   and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.

On my drive home I recalled what I had read and was greatly comforted. God always gives you just what you need often before you actually need it.

If you are going through something today that threatens to overwhelm you—DON’T LET IT. God has prepared and equipped you to overcome any and every challenge. You don’t have to take anything lying down; God has all power and the final say so.

The doctor is to call me tomorrow but in the meantime I am living for today, keeping the faith, and believing God at His word:  

·         No weapon formed against you shall prosper” (Isaiah 54:17).

·         God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble (Psalm 46:1).

·         What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us (Romans 8:31)?

And I declare it again—I will never be stricken with cancer again in Jesus’ name. Amen

Please comment and let us know what challenges you are facing so that we can encourage you.

Also, I would love to answer your questions. Please forward them to info@drcelesteowens.com or inbox me on Facebook.

Wishing you God’s good success in every area of your life!
Dr. Celeste

To Free or Not to Free

QUESTION

I have a quick question about charging a fee for ministry work. The other night my dad and I were talking about my ideas, ministry, blog, etc., whereupon he told me “Whatever you do that is church related should always be FREE.” Do you know I cringed at the thought?  So I prayed about it, well rather, I said to the Lord, “really does it all have to be free?”  And the Lord said "It doesn't belong to you.  Are you really concerned about money? Everything, including your ideas has come from me."  Then I started thinking about a curriculum that I have wrote for mothers and started feeling some sense of "ownership" over that material.  Again the Lord said, "It's not yours." I am having a hard time with this. Please help! 

ANSWER

Thank you for your question. It’s interesting that you would ask me this question now. Had you asked me this question some time last year I would have readily agreed with your father’s statement but now I know better.

I am taking a year-long biblical entrepreneurship course taught by Patrice Tsague of the Nehemiah Project (http://nehemiahproject.org/training-certificate-course.htm). It is fantastic and has changed the way I view and approach ministry.

Mr. Tsague posits that a kingdom business/ministry, like any other business, requires money to grow. If we are regularly giving away our gifts and talents we hinder the growth of the ministry and thus hamper our ability to further the work of the kingdom.

Mr Tsague further suggests that we are bad stewards of our gifts and talents when we don’t properly “steward” what God has given to us. He references the parable of the servants and the talents (Matthew 25:14-30) and interestingly enough the story of Joseph (Genesis 41). Joseph wasn’t the business owner but he was entrusted to grow Pharaoh’s wealth and further his kingdom. He couldn’t just give it all out for free because it wasn’t his!

The same is true for us. We don’t own anything; it all belongs to God. Isn’t that what God has been telling you, “It all belongs to me”? Therefore, it behooves you (and the rest of us) to do right by Him. If He has given us books, curriculums, and inventions we are to get those copyrighted or patented so that we can keep control of what God has entrusted to us. This is not about us but Him.

So let’s follow your father’s argument to its logical conclusion. If it’s wrong to charge for church related activities no one who works for the church should be paid. That would include the pastor, ministry leaders, and church employees. According to this argument they, too, should be working for free. I don’t see that happening nor should it. I Timothy 5:18b reads, “The laborer is worthy of his hire.”

Now am I suggesting that you never volunteer for the church or in church related activities? Of course not. You should be in the regular practice of giving of your time and abilities to the church (even tithing a portion of your business time for volunteer activities) but seek God for the His will so that you are balanced in your efforts (see Proverbs 3:5-6).

Lastly, God wants you to succeed at advancing His kingdom and the ministry that He has entrusted to you. And for that to happen, my dear, you will need some money!   

I would also love to answer your questions too. Please forward them to info@drcelesteowens.com or inbox me on Facebook. Also please feel free to comment on this post below.

Wishing you God’s good success in every area of your life!
Dr. Celeste

Make This One Count

The other day my sister Nicole called me with a story that blessed me and I hope it does the same for you.

A few weeks ago she was the birthing coach for our sister Stephanie who was having her first baby. Not knowing what to expect Stephanie was naturally apprehensive and a little confused. Understanding her dilemma the doctor began to repeat the same phrase at each contraction, “Okay Stephanie, make this one count.”

At first Stephanie wasn’t making it count. She was pushing half-heartedly or not at all. As a result of her efforts—or lack thereof—the baby would surface momentarily and then retreat. Then she would have to start all over again.

However, after a few failed attempts she had an “aha  moment.” If she was going to succeed at having her baby she was going to have to push through the pain with all her might. So when the next contraction came, she made it count and is now the proud mommy of a beautiful baby boy.

Like Stephanie, some of you are in the throws of an uncomfortable experience and want God to rescue you without any effort on your part. It doesn’t work that way. God requires that you do your part and make every effort count. 

This is not a post about avoiding pain or wishing yourself out of a season that you just have to weather. No, there are some things you just have to endure. That season for me was cancer.  I prayed fervently for God to remove the lump without any medical treatment but He didn’t. And I am glad he didn’t. I needed to weather that storm so that I and others could see His glory. 

But this is different. This discussion is about you hindering your own progress. Let me illustrate.

Last April, I approached a publisher about a book I have written on destiny. They agreed to publish me but on terms that were unsuitable, so I declined and waited (and waited some more). In fact the wait has been so long that I am content to just stay right where I am but God won’t let me. He is now nudging me to move forward.

So with fear and trepidation I am now soliciting agents. I sent out my first 10 email queries the other night. The next day, 2 declined. One even wrote, “Thanks for querying me about your work. With a very full plate, I take on new writers only in exceptional circumstances, and your work is not, I am sorry to say, for me.” Ouch! But like my grandmother use to say, “One monkey don’t spoil no show.” (Feel free to interpret that any way you like.)

Anyway, there is good news. One agent asked to see my proposal! My efforts are paying off and I know I will be published soon.

What is God calling you to? What amazing ministry, business, book, or other experience does He want you to birth in you? Then push. Don’t let fear and the pain of rejection keep you from what is yours. The doctor has spoken, “Okay _______________ (put your name here), make this one count!”

Please feel free to leave comments below. Also, if you have a question you would like for me to answer please email me at info@drcelesteowens.com or inbox me on Facebook.

Wishing you God’s good success in every area of your life!
Dr. Celeste

Can you Hear me Now?

QUESTION

How do I communicate with a spouse that does not want to? Do I back off and let them have time to themselves (which could be dangerous and cause for separation)? I understand that nagging and begging to get answers does not work either, and praying is the best thing to do. But do you just ignore the issues you have in your relationship or try to find another avenue to get your spouse's attention?

ANSWER

For this circumstance ignoring is not the answer; this problem will require active, consistent attention and care. If you are to succeed at rebuilding this relationship, you must actively seek God for His plan and not lean to your own understanding (Proverbs 3:6). It is abundantly clear (at least to me) by the way you phrased the question that you are participating in the latter. So let me help by breaking down each of your questions.

1. How do I communicate with a spouse that does not want to?

Whomever said communication is all about words is lying. Only a small percentage (7% to be exact) of communication involves words. In fact, a greater portion of our message is communicated through body language (55%) and vocals (38%; pitch, tone of voice).

The word confirms this truth. In 1 Peter 3:1-2 we are thus instructed:

Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear.

Without a word…they observe the chaste conduct…you and God win...need I say more?

2. I understand that nagging and begging to get answers does not work either, and praying is the best thing to do.

Amen, absolutely correct. Prayer trumps nagging every time. James 1:20 tells us that “the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God.” You can talk and nag until you are blue in the face but those behaviors will not produce the change you seek. Indeed you need God to intervene in a supernatural way. Therefore let Him instruct you, through prayer, on how you are interact with your spouse.

3. But do you just ignore the issues you have in your relationship or try to find another avenue to get your spouse's attention?

You find another avenue.

Relationships are funny little things that require two people to maintain their dynamic. Therefore when one changes (in this case it will be you) the other person has to change.

Right now your relationship is probably on autopilot; simply mimicking the beliefs you learned in childhood about marriage. I would suspect that your spouse witnessed at least one of his/her parents regularly shutting down in marriage. In your case, I would guess that you have a family history of divorce (*indicated by your own words: “Do I back off and let them have time to themselves, [which could be dangerous and cause for separation].” See further explanation below).

Therefore, operating on autopilot, would prove disastrous. You need to believe and do something different; God will show you what to do.

First, He wants you to know that you are not desperate and not without hope. You serve a God who has ALL power and can make the impossible--possible, if you only believe. He said in Isaiah 49:23b, "Then you will know that I am the LORD; those who hope in me will not be disappointed.” That’s a promise!

So do not fear but move into action. Here are a few suggestions:

1.      Take time to reflect on key scriptures that will encourage you in the area of marriage.

2.      Recall God’s promises to you about marriage and recite they back to Him.

3.      Do something different: smile more, make their favorite meal, invite them on a date, etc. Showing love will make its intended impact and soften their defenses.

4.      Surround yourself with those that can give you godly advice. Even consider a Christian counselor for yourself to help you sort out your feelings.

Lastly, God's desire for your marriage far exceeds your wildest imaginations (see Ephesians 3:20) and He has given you everything you need to succeed. You don’t have to be a statistic; your marriage can thrive and prosper with God’s help. Just let Him have His way and then your spouse will hear you and Him!

I would also love to answer your questions. Please forward them to info@drcelesteowens.com or inbox me on Facebook. Also, please feel free to comment below.

Wishing you God’s good success in every area of your life!
Dr. Celeste

*Backing off to give another space shouldn’t produce the fear of separation/divorce. Brief spurts of emotional disconnection are typical and often necessary in a marriage.

Recommended Reading: Marriage from A to Z, Carolyn Tatem