I Regret My Affair

QUESTION

 I cheated on my husband and feel so bad. I have not told him. What now?

ANSWER

I am sorry to hear of your dilemma. The road ahead of you won’t be easy, but with God all things are possible.

First and foremost, if you haven’t already, repent. Whenever we sin, we ultimately sin against God. After his affair with Bathsheba, David prayed, “Against you and you alone have I sinned and done this evil in Your sight” (Psalm 51:4a). Therefore, getting your relationship right with God is imperative.

After you have done that, walk in the freedom that forgiveness brings.  People will condemn but God won’t; He says that there is no condemnation in Him. Therefore, now what you have repented you don’t need to “feel so bad” anymore. He loves you no matter what. In fact, He tells us in Proverbs 18:24, that He’s a friend that sticks closer than a brother and in another scripture He says that will never leave or forsake you. Jesus pardoned the sinful woman who anointed his feet with the costly perfume from her alabaster box by simply saying, “Your sins have been forgiven” (Luke 7:48). The same is true for you so again, walk in the freedom that forgiveness brings.

Now you need to address the matter of cheating. The longer you avoid this issue the tougher it will be to address. So the best thing to do is to pray and approach your husband with the news. Believe it or not, it may not come as a surprise to him. From my experience of working with couples, the offended partner has often “sensed” that something was wrong, but without proof they could only guess and wonder. Although the truth hurts, many have reported feeling relieved to finally have some answers.

Here are a few other important factors to consider:

1.       Tell him as soon as God opens the door for you to have this conversation. Don’t delay; it would be much more devastating for him to find out about the affair from some other source.

2.       You have no control over how your husband reacts to this news. Hopefully the two of you can work things out and have a stronger marriage but there is no guarantee of the outcome. However, no matter what, telling him is the right thing to do and don’t live in regret if things don’t go the way you planned or expected.

3.       Consider including a neutral third party like a pastor or Christian counselor who can help the two of you sort out your feelings and explore what factors may have contributed to the affair.

Lastly, keep the faith. God specializes in the impossible. If you follow His plan in this season in your life, He will work it out for your good and cause you to have good success. Be encouraged and please let me know how things turn out for you.

Wishing you God’s good success in every area of your life,
Dr. Celeste